美式語帶雙關冷笑話

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" 
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

兩個氫原子走進一間酒吧裡面，
其中一個說：「我掉了我的電子。」
另一個原子問到：「你確定嗎？」
他回答：「嗯，我很確定。」（嗯，我現在帶正電）
hydrogen, positive


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I was going to attend the clairvoyant's meeting,
but it was canceled due to unforeseen events.

我本來要去參加洞察會議(預知會議)的，
但會議卻因為一些預料之外(不可預知)的事件被取消了。
clairvoyant, unforeseen
Clairvoyance 這個字有透視、預知、心電感應等等超能力的意思。


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War doesn't determine who is right, only who is left.

戰爭並沒有決定誰是對的（右邊），只決定誰活下來（左邊）。
determine, right, left
這裡的 left 其實是 leave 的過去式，
who is left 照原句翻譯是「誰被剩下來」。


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Apparently atoms have mass.
Hah, I didn't even know they were Catholic.

顯然原子有重量（做彌撒）。
哈，我甚至不知道他們是天主教徒。
mass, Catholic


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A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The Bartender says, "for you? No charge."

一個中子走到酒吧裡面要了一杯飲料。
那酒保說：「你嗎？不收你錢。」（你嗎？你沒帶電啊。）
Bartender, charge


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Did you know that irradiated cats have 18 half-lives?

你知道被輻射汙染的貓有 18 個半條命嗎？（18 個半衰期）
irradiate, half-life


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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One of them says to the other, "do you think this tastes funny?"

兩個食人族在吃一個小丑，
其中一個問另一個說：「你會不會覺得這味道很奇怪（好笑）？」
cannibal, clown, funny


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I decided that I will not drink anymore,
but I will not drink any less either.

我決定我不會再喝更多了（再也不喝），
但我也不會喝更少。
anymore
anymore 是再也（不），any more 則是更多。